Painful Reflections
by NoriChan
Summary: [PG just to be safe] Draco Malfoy takes a look back at his life and reflects upon how he got to where he is...


Just wanted to write a somewhat angsty piece about older Draco. Very short and not spell checked or proof read by anybody else--so be warned. I think it's oretty cruddy, but just had to post it. I was thinking of maybe writing more and creating a sort of series..? Depends the feedback I get though. By the way, I'd say Draco is about 28-ish late 20s early 30s in this thingy and the person he refers to is his son. not sure who the mother is... _______________________________________  
  
I've had plenty of reasons presented to me as to why I should hate the world. Why I should hate everybody and everything on this planet. I know that I could, just like every other person in this world, but I know that all too soon the guilt I harbored in my subconscious would drive me insane. Guilt? Why should I feel guilty about doing this? Everybody else does it don't they? Of course they do, but unlike them, I know why I've endured all this pain and suffering. It's because I was weak, I was too afraid to stand up for myself.  
  
I'm not quite sure what got me to this point. Perhaps my loyalty? My courage? My integrity? Whatever it was, it's worked out for me so far. It always worked, but it worked at a price. I never knew friendship, love, or forgiveness while I was growing up. I tried for years to reach for love from my parents, but it resulted only in pain and rejection.  
  
Sometimes, at night, whenever everyone else is asleep peacefully I'll slip from my bed to simply watch him sleep. So small and innocent, yet with years of pain and rejection buried inside him. The resemblance, both physical and mental, between the two of us is uncanny. He has my fair looks, what I now realize as my 'curse'.  
  
It's true that I'm considered immeasurably good looking by many and this often attracted me perpetual attention. Of course, all it ever really was my looks they were all after. Nobody ever truly cared, or ever truly understood me. They could never understand me. I hoped that this would not plague him as it did me. There were so many things already causing his life to be complicated and tangled. Why was there any need to add to his discomfort? As I looked at his angelic face, pressed against his overstuffed feather pillow, I made a promise to myself, to him, to all that he may ever love.  
  
'I will never hurt them..or you. Not the way that I was hurt..Not ever.' I vowed.  
  
It wasn't just my looks that had plagued me so, I realize now. It was him. My father. I still shudder at his memory, the only person that could ever make me feel so insignificant and so alone. He taught me obedience. I was to follow rules, never speak out,and never challenge the words of our lord. In all actuality, I was never truly loyal to Him, Voldemort that is. I had never pledged anything to him even though I had been pressured all my life to do so. I had chosen another path, a path that even in my most wildest dreams I never thought I'd take.  
  
The boy stirred in his peaceful slumber, a tranquil smile on his fair face. I feel the corners of my mouth twitch into a small smile and I gently brush the hair from his delicate face. He seemed so angelic, so perfect and flawless as he lay there in a serene state of sleep. Despite his childish looks, I know what truly lies beneath this mask of his. Pain, suffering, and lonelyness. I tried honestly, I really did, but every time I try to get close to him, I recalled every other person I have ever loved. I recalled the pain, the suffering that I caused them. I quickly pull my hand from his face and look at him sullenly.  
  
I'd give anything to be free of these haunting emotions and memories. Anything at all so I could just love him without fearing I'd bring him pain. He means the world to me, he's my everything. If only I could just show it to him. Running a trembling hand through my silvery tresses I let out a shaky sigh. One of these days, I promise myself. One of these days I will be able to love him freely, I'll be able to get close to him. I just pray that when I finally can, that it won't be too late.  
  
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Just felt like writing some sort of angsty Draco POV thingy. It sucks, but oh well. I thought I may continue with it and center a series around the adult Draco, but I'm not sure. I wana see the response to this first. So if you want more you gotta review! 


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